Your Real Life Hardcore Husky Moment

Casual conversations around the office now regularly involve cocaine and hookers.
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I got into a conversation about hookers and blow and the best way to pair them with a former student/player of mine last year. It seems like it should have been really awkward. It wasnt.
 
Yeah I've noticed casually telling people to light themselves on fire doesn't go over so well in the real world.
 
My wife shit on my chest for good luck and quacks like a duck when we fuck
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Pics or GTFO.
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I took them to Walgreens to get them developed a week ago but they haven't called me back
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I drop fucktard at work from time to time.

And anything my wife and I don't like "needs to DIAF"

Most of the time she is saying it to me.
 
I casually use the phrase so and so needs to die in a fucking fire and it always tilts a few heads around room.
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That's mine. I'm so desensitized from this place that I have no expectation people will find that to be harsh.

"Oh my God that's awful".

Even if the people listening don't like the FS person I'm talking about either, DIAFF always gets that reaction. Especially the ladies.
 
I tell my girlfriend "it's always special when" shit all the time when ripping on her family members.
 
I often say at work I'm 81% sure this will work ...

I get blank stares.

I've also started sprinkling in phrases about implosion when discussing a competitor.
 
Saying tees and pees seems to be the one that confuses people the most in my life.

For the record I work in a cemetery, so it gets awkward.
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There was a condolence card going around the office last week for someone whose spouse died. I had to overcome my muscle memory and spell out Thoughts & Prayers instead of T's & P's.
 
I often say at work I'm 81% sure this will work ...

I get blank stares.

I've also started sprinkling in phrases about implosion when discussing a competitor.
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I have a couple projects listed on my white board. Most of of them are listed at 81% complete.
 
Saying tees and pees seems to be the one that confuses people the most in my life.

For the record I work in a cemetery, so it gets awkward.
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There was a condolence card going around the office last week for someone whose spouse died. I had to overcome my muscle memory and spell out Thoughts & Prayers instead of T's & P's.
Click to expand...

Sark will be axin' you for advice
 
Saying tees and pees seems to be the one that confuses people the most in my life.

For the record I work in a cemetery, so it gets awkward.
Click to expand...

There was a condolence card going around the office last week for someone whose spouse died. I had to overcome my muscle memory and spell out Thoughts & Prayers instead of T's & P's.
Click to expand...

Sark will be axin' you for advice
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Quite honestly, the card is not indicative of how strong my muscle memory is.
 
My girlfriend gets the "If you cant see that ____, then I can't help you."

Only once did she say that she could, in fact, see that. I responded with, "Well, then I can help you."
 
PUMP MY WIFE, DUCK!
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Whatever you and your wife are into man...

I tend to yell "PUMP MY WIFE, DICK!" (a reference to my own dick) and then I cackle madly while staining the comforter as my wife rolls her eyes, but if you want to bring others into your sex life that is your call.
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ABUNDANCE!
 
I tell my wife I want ___________ to happen just so I can be right.

I get dead eyes instead of lolz.
 
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