New Hardcore Husky advice column

[greenblood]

Dear Ann,

I’m thinking about starting my own hobby board. What’s the best way to boot trolls?

Signed,

Issaquahdawg

 

[DerekJohnson]

Dear Stalin,

Thank you for the introduction. While my advice is in no way a substitute for that of a trained mental healthcare professional, I’m more than happy to use my 47 years of experience dealing with the most inane questions to help these fucktards get their pathetic lives back on track.

 

[Swaye]

Dear @HardcoreAnnLanders

There is this girl I really like. She's really sexy, witty, smart, and stylish. I've been stalking her for several years. She has had me arrested a few tims, but I'm pretty sure that is how she flirts. She also got a restraining order against me, which I of course saw as moving our relationship into the foreplay category. I was going through her trash last week, and noticed she recently got a concealed carry permit. This turn of events made me quite happy. Our relationship is elevating in her mind I'm sure of it. I do not want you to think all is rosy in our relationship however. I was tracking her movements via a GPS device I installed under her car, and noticed recently it kept going to the same place. So I followed her, keeping 500 yards separation of course like any good court ordered boyfriend would, and she ended up in some bushes outside of someones house, peering into the windows. I hacked the DMV servers to figure out it's some guy named Vorel. Is our love doomed?

The King of the Camelot Trailer Court

 

[CFetters_Nacho_Lover]

Dear @HardcoreAnnLanders

I've organized a few Hardcore Husky Orgies, and the only people to come are @"Yousef_#1UberDriver" @alopeciadawg and @CFetters_Nacho_Lover This led to some disappointment as Yousef was easily too hairy for alopecia, and alopecia not hair enough for Yousef. Fetters was there for the complimentary nacho bar and pegging tutorial. How can I garner more interest for the Hardcore Husky Orgy™?

Sincerely
I should have used water based lube during the tutorial

It’s true. I came.

 

[CFetters_Nacho_Lover]

Dear @HardcoreAnnLanders,

I’m a big fan (literally and figuratively) of nachos. Most of the Mexican restaurants in my town have all you can eat buffets but sadly, it appears word of my love for nachos has gotten around. I’ve apparently been banned from the lunch buffets. Was it wrong for me to eat all the nachos while going through the line? How do I explain to the restaurant owners that I will be more respectful of other customers?

Longing for Nachos

 

[DerekJohnson]

Dear @HardcoreAnnLanders

I feel concerned about the trajectory of Husky Football right now. Should I be all in?

 

[BCoveysLifeInsPolicy]

Dear @HardcoreAnnLanders,
Many of the people I hang out with online are 35-and-older men who like to stalk teen bois and post about it on their degenerate message bored. Is this something I should be concerned about, or should I join in the fun?

Regards,

Hitchhiking in Enumclaw

 

[huskyhooligan]

Dear @HardcoreAnnLanders

I've organized a few Hardcore Husky Orgies, and the only people to come are @"Yousef_#1UberDriver" @alopeciadawg and @CFetters_Nacho_Lover This led to some disappointment as Yousef was easily too hairy for alopecia, and alopecia not hair enough for Yousef. Fetters was there for the complimentary nacho bar and pegging tutorial. How can I garner more interest for the Hardcore Husky Orgy™?

Sincerely
I should have used water based lube during the tutorial

Mr. Hooligan, I do not understand this. This @"Yousef_#1UberDriver" clown lies in utter viciousness yet you invite him to message board festivities.

Know that he is a lie. If you are standing by Yousef, it is only to stab him in the heart with your venomous dagger!

Believe me I was trying to stab him with my at times poisonus (thanks penicillin) with my dagger. And he liked it. I'm too hairy as well for alopecia.

 

[Fire_Marshall_Bill]

Dear @HardcoreAnnLanders,

I like this boy. A lot. I upvote all of his posts on social media, and I gave him my phone number. I even started flirting with another sports writer to make him jealous. Why hasn’t he called? Am I not pretty enough? What am I doing wrong?

Signed,

Without a Beau in Bellevue

Doog de Jour

I'm a little jealous. Who is this writer?

 

[alopeciadawg]

Dear @HardcoreAnnLanders

I've organized a few Hardcore Husky Orgies, and the only people to come are @"Yousef_#1UberDriver" @alopeciadawg and @CFetters_Nacho_Lover This led to some disappointment as Yousef was easily too hairy for alopecia, and alopecia not hair enough for Yousef. Fetters was there for the complimentary nacho bar and pegging tutorial. How can I garner more interest for the Hardcore Husky Orgy™?

Sincerely
I should have used water based lube during the tutorial

It’s true. I came.

I was impressed.

 

[Doog_de_Jour]

Dear @HardcoreAnnLanders,

I like this boy. A lot. I upvote all of his posts on social media, and I gave him my phone number. I even started flirting with another sports writer to make him jealous. Why hasn’t he called? Am I not pretty enough? What am I doing wrong?

Signed,

Without a Beau in Bellevue

Doog de Jour

I'm a little jealous. Who is this writer?

 

[Doog_de_Jour]

Dear @HardcoreAnnLanders,

I'm looking for a hard hitting Christmas gift selection for the Mrs. Can you think of anything?

Sincerely,

good looks, a personality and a concrete peeper.

Dear DLAPAACP,

While I doubt you’re actually married, I will say most women will never turn down expensive jewelry, a fashionable designer handbag, or cunninglingus[/b]. But go with whatever fits your budget.

The fact that this response received so few chins shows what a bunch of selfish lovers you all are. No wonder I’m able to seduce your wives with such ease.

 

[huskyhooligan]

Dear @HardcoreAnnLanders,

I'm looking for a hard hitting Christmas gift selection for the Mrs. Can you think of anything?

Sincerely,

good looks, a personality and a concrete peeper.

Dear DLAPAACP,

While I doubt you’re actually married, I will say most women will never turn down expensive jewelry, a fashionable designer handbag, or cunninglingus[/b]. But go with whatever fits your budget.

The fact that this response received so few chins shows what a bunch of selfish lovers you all are. No wonder I’m able to seduce your wives with such ease.

I'm trying my hardest to get married just so you can make me a proper cuck. Also, sad we missed you at the last Hardcore Husky Orgy™.

 

[HardcoreAnnLanders]

Dear @HardcoreAnnLanders

I was visiting a friend the other day - we kept our social distancing of course, and yelled loudly across the field at each other. He asked me, 'How's the sex life?'
I answered in a sarcastic voice and yelled 'it is going so well I am thinking of asking my wife to join in'
Because we were yelling across the field due to Covid, my wife heard me. We had a discussion about this and she thinks I have been maybe masturbating too much. I admitted to her to only doing that when a sporting event is on, so she felt better because of UW sports the past couple of years.

So my question is - do you think I should get cable/satellite TV hook ups so I have more sporting events?

Signed

PS Try to not reply while a sporting event is on if you know what I mean

Dear PSTNRWASEIOIYKWIM,

Certain things should not be discussed openly: religion, politics, income, and one’s sex life. Your lack of discretion has probably made your wife shy away from suggesting you two reenact her favorite BDSM flick (I’m partial to “Bound for Desire Vol. 2” myself), as she doesn’t want the details shouted across an open field to your boorish friend.

Prepare to spend more quality time with Rosy Palm during the NBA playoffs.

 

[HardcoreAnnLanders]

Dear Ann,

I’m thinking about starting my own hobby board. What’s the best way to boot trolls?

Signed,

Issaquahdawg

Dear Issaquahdawg,

Before you ask anyone to leave, remind the troll they should clean things up. Often parents or other family members can see what people post. Give them ample warnings. If that doesn’t work find a hit man on the dark web and have the troll murdered.

 

[KidsInCagesDawg]

Dear @HardcoreAnnLanders,

I like this boy. A lot. I upvote all of his posts on social media, and I gave him my phone number. I even started flirting with another sports writer to make him jealous. Why hasn’t he called? Am I not pretty enough? What am I doing wrong?

Signed,

Without a Beau in Bellevue

Doog de Jour

I'm a little jealous. Who is this writer?

View attachment 37052

@Joods_Mountain_Dew! True??

 

[HardcoreAnnLanders]

Dear @HardcoreAnnLanders

There is this girl I really like. She's really sexy, witty, smart, and stylish. I've been stalking her for several years. She has had me arrested a few tims, but I'm pretty sure that is how she flirts. She also got a restraining order against me, which I of course saw as moving our relationship into the foreplay category. I was going through her trash last week, and noticed she recently got a concealed carry permit. This turn of events made me quite happy. Our relationship is elevating in her mind I'm sure of it. I do not want you to think all is rosy in our relationship however. I was tracking her movements via a GPS device I installed under her car, and noticed recently it kept going to the same place. So I followed her, keeping 500 yards separation of course like any good court ordered boyfriend would, and she ended up in some bushes outside of someones house, peering into the windows. I hacked the DMV servers to figure out it's some guy named Vorel. Is our love doomed?

The King of the Camelot Trailer Court

Dear TKOTCTC,

While this woman you described sounds incredible, I doubt you’d continue to feel so enamored with the barrel of her Glock 19 9mm handgun pressed up against your dick. Give her some space. Let her get this Vorel person out of her system. Then when she’s in a crying heap on the floor of the 520 Bar & Grill, utterly convinced she’ll never find love again, that’s when you make your move.

 

[HardcoreAnnLanders]

Dear @HardcoreAnnLanders,

I’m a big fan (literally and figuratively) of nachos. Most of the Mexican restaurants in my town have all you can eat buffets but sadly, it appears word of my love for nachos has gotten around. I’ve apparently been banned from the lunch buffets. Was it wrong for me to eat all the nachos while going through the line? How do I explain to the restaurant owners that I will be more respectful of other customers?

Longing for Nachos

Dear LFN,

As every Kindergarten student will tell you, it’s best to share. Yes, leave some nachos for the customers. Every night after you come home from the buffet, leave negative reviews on the establishment’s Yelp page. Eventually this will deter anyone from going to the restaurant - then owners will be begging to have you come back.

 

[Octavian]

Salutem HardcoreAnnLanders

I am VI foot V former Roman Caesar and Julian Dynastia Star. I warred at the highest level in a Gladitorium State.

Before Romulus and Remus there was Aeneas, son of Venus, a Trojan who fought in the Trojan War - a valiant
hero who sired the ancestors of Latium.

I am hearing that one Sam Darnold, a barbaricus, lives for FORUMS such as these. Furthermore, that he plied his
professio in the COLLOSEUM, and warred with the Trojans. My shades have been watching live and in transitum
buttfucker.

I am here to decree that these imposters and plebes stop appropriating our cultura. In other verbis, find the era
where this belongs. Stop plagiarism our shit you barbitus cunts ya. Tell them they are little more than timidus
cattus - that they really don't want any in real life.

 

[HardcoreAnnLanders]

Dear @HardcoreAnnLanders

I feel concerned about the trajectory of Husky Football right now. Should I be all in?

Dear Mr. Johnson,

No. Your team is royally fucked. Anyone with two brain cells to rub together can see that. I suggest finding another team (preferably in the South, where they actually take college football seriously) to follow.