What kinda Christmas tree guy are you?
- Thread starter YellowSnow
- Start date
The whole family wanted to go this year which ruled out going for the perfect fir or spruce. Too much snow already at the higher elevations awhere they grow and we only have one pair of snow shoes.
We opted to stay low and 4x4'd just a smidge into the ponderosa piney woods. I learned that finding nice pine Xmas tree is difficult - they tend to be mostly Charlie Brown looking. Alas, Mrs Snow spotted a magnificent 12 ft slender and perfectly shaped Juniper.
Had to lop about 4 feet of the sucker to get it to fit. Now my house smells like 10 gallons of Bombay Sapphire.
We opted to stay low and 4x4'd just a smidge into the ponderosa piney woods. I learned that finding nice pine Xmas tree is difficult - they tend to be mostly Charlie Brown looking. Alas, Mrs Snow spotted a magnificent 12 ft slender and perfectly shaped Juniper.
Had to lop about 4 feet of the sucker to get it to fit. Now my house smells like 10 gallons of Bombay Sapphire.
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whatshouldicareabout
Active poster
Doog_de_Jour
New Fish
That’s how I describe Mrs. Snow to people.
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The Joobs use menorahs, you heartless Gentile.
I just don’t think I could ever for fake tree. Gotta have that smell.
1to392831weretaken
New Fish
Was full war on Christmas until the kids came along, then it was tree farm trees. Then tree farm trees started costing $90, at which point my butthole clenched nearly to the point of going supernova and I put the foot down. Not to mention EVERY year the trip to pick up the tree would turn into a fucking disaster when the kids fought over which tree to pick and then pouted like bitches the rest of the day for not getting their way.
It's like my great grandma used to say: act like a bitch, get a fake tree like a bitch.
Or something like that.
My wife stopped asking me to hang up lights on the house years ago after hearing enough times that I'm not going to waste a day on a ladder just for the privilege of wasting money on electricity for a month. I have better ways to waste time and money, e.g. the stuff that goes under[/i] the tree. If she wants lights, she can put 'em up.
It's like my great grandma used to say: act like a bitch, get a fake tree like a bitch.
Or something like that.
My wife stopped asking me to hang up lights on the house years ago after hearing enough times that I'm not going to waste a day on a ladder just for the privilege of wasting money on electricity for a month. I have better ways to waste time and money, e.g. the stuff that goes under[/i] the tree. If she wants lights, she can put 'em up.
As a kid it was my job to clean the fucking needles. As an adult I said fuck that and bought a fake tree. I always know what it’ll look like in our house, I already own it and know where it is.
Mrs Nacho was borderline war on Christmas this year but has changed her mind to the point she’s ready to buy a new fake tree that chincludes lights so there’s one less thing to fuck with.
If you’re surprised that a fat fuck like me is this lazy, I’m surprised.
Mrs Nacho was borderline war on Christmas this year but has changed her mind to the point she’s ready to buy a new fake tree that chincludes lights so there’s one less thing to fuck with.
If you’re surprised that a fat fuck like me is this lazy, I’m surprised.
1to392831weretaken
New Fish
Integrated lights for the win. Lazy fucks unite! I pulled that thing down from the shop loft just yesterday for the Mrs. to set up. Five minutes later, done.
I could have written this. Now that the kids are out of my house, we might go back to the real tree, though. I do like the look and smell of a noble fir, and my folks still have tons of them from back when we used to grow them.
The psychos in my neighborhood are out there day after Thanksgiving with moving vans full of lights and other decorations. These goons go so far that we get people from all over the area coming to drive through the neighborhood to ooh and aaaah over the lights. There's no measuring up to shit like that, so I just drink hot buttered rums and watch those clowns struggle putting up lights so they can struggle to take them down a few weeks later. I use the money not spent making the house glow on liquor. Mostly rum because I love hot buttered rum.
ISAFNRC
Kwanzaa racists.
Sometimes we go to a tree farm. It's way easier. I prefer noble fir, but will settle for white or grand fir, or even a beautiful blue spruce if I feel like dealing with the needles.
Problem is that around here all of those species grow above the snow line this time of year. Sometimes they're too hard to get to. In those years we just go to a farm that grows big perfect nobles for $25. Honestly I don't know why we go for the woods at all anymore. It's really not that fun.
Problem is that around here all of those species grow above the snow line this time of year. Sometimes they're too hard to get to. In those years we just go to a farm that grows big perfect nobles for $25. Honestly I don't know why we go for the woods at all anymore. It's really not that fun.
This was my issue. Hell, we've got a foot or two of snow down in the piney woods. Up in the fir country it's really deep.
But my wife seems to like me doing manly stuff like getting a fresh tree from the woods. Helps reduce the fuel load too so I don't burn down. Lulz.
greenblood
New Fish
With the little one, I prefer the tree farms. A six footer (yeah I'm poor) will cost you around $60, but two hours of walking through the farm, the hay ride, and the kids playing on the playground, is cheap for three hours of entertainment. Honestly, I prefer the six foot and under height anyway, because it's less to decorate, you don't need a ladder, easier to haul, pay half as much for a smaller stand, and a wooden platform underneath will had an extra 6" to a foot anyway.
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The tree lot is my yard, friend gave me 20 noble firs to plant. there are a few left - cut a small one, forget to go back later and cut it smooth to the ground. Run over it usually on the second mowing of the year, throwing myself off my mower at full speed, then cut it flush.
Put the tree in the stand, about 5-6 footer, and get the hell out of there so I don't get into the Christmas Tree argument with the Mrs.
I put lights up on the porch where I do not get altitude, so it is easy.
Mrs Lebam: Let's go put lights up
Me: Okay, I have to get the extension cord, stapler, and the auto timer.
Mrs L: Okay
Ten minutes later I am on the porch putting up lights and she is back in the house. So WE? put the lights up
Put the tree in the stand, about 5-6 footer, and get the hell out of there so I don't get into the Christmas Tree argument with the Mrs.
I put lights up on the porch where I do not get altitude, so it is easy.
Mrs Lebam: Let's go put lights up
Me: Okay, I have to get the extension cord, stapler, and the auto timer.
Mrs L: Okay
Ten minutes later I am on the porch putting up lights and she is back in the house. So WE? put the lights up
Doog_de_Jour
New Fish
Every couple I know has some sort of bait and switch move they pull on the other. I’ve observed other women do that EXACT same thing with the Christmas lights @LebamDawg. Then they critique the job afterwards.
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First Christmas the wife and I lived together and our real tree about killed her pet bird. Apparently real trees have a shit ton of mold and other stuff that's bad for your air quality. Shame that the tree couldn't finish the bird off.