I'd put Michigan at #2 behind UCLA.
1) You played 11 or 12 games per year over the last 40 years. You have more talent (usually by far) than arguably everybody except 2 teams on your schedule (OSU and ND sometimes). You play in front of the biggest crowd in the country at home and have a college major basically designed to keep everyone eligible (kinesiology).
2) You create the easiest schedule for yourself possible. You refuse to play in the southeastern part of the country (last regular season game there in 1985) and basically are boycotting the west (where you're 0-7 since 1998 when you get there - usually to lose the Rose Bowl). Many years you play your four road games in states which are bordering Michigan (like Indiana, Ohio, Wisconsin). You play FSU and Miami at home and never give them a home game. You play Florida and Alabama only at neutral sites.
3) You're 4-12 in Rose Bowls in the last 50 years. You've won 1/2 a national championship in the last 67 years.
4) Since 1975, you have had only ONE season of one or less loss or tie (you know, something that Coach Petersen has done FIVE FUCKING TIMES ALREADY). You think you could just fall into seasons like that every few years with all these advantages.
They do tend to play teams like Utah, BC, and Syracuse instead of the big boys, but they were pretty dominant in the 70s, 80s, 90s, and up until about 2006. They owned Ohio State in the 90s. Some pretty bland, average coaches owned John Cooper. It was like Oregon vs. UW.
They suck in Rose Bowels but they have made a ton and they did win the NC in '97.