Story tim with Swaye....

My wife couldn't nurse. She fought it for a month because Facebook makes mothers who can't nurse feel like the scum of the earth, but eventually she caved and we switched to the world's most expensive formula because my son's stomach is an asshole.

My advice is to stage an elaborate ruse. Hire actors to play newscasters, make sure she's watching "the news" when your anchors announce a permanent global internet outage. Just make sure the router is unplugged when she tests it, and disable all but voice and text on her phone. It'll be worth it in the long run: you do NOT want CLS exposed to Social Media Competitive Momming.
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How does Facebook make mother’s that can’t nurse feel like scum? It is possible to keep how you feed your baby private and not broadcast it to the world. Shocking, I know.
 
My wife couldn't nurse. She fought it for a month because Facebook makes mothers who can't nurse feel like the scum of the earth, but eventually she caved and we switched to the world's most expensive formula because my son's stomach is an asshole.

My advice is to stage an elaborate ruse. Hire actors to play newscasters, make sure she's watching "the news" when your anchors announce a permanent global internet outage. Just make sure the router is unplugged when she tests it, and disable all but voice and text on her phone. It'll be worth it in the long run: you do NOT want CLS exposed to Social Media Competitive Momming.
Click to expand...

Fuck competitive mommying.

All things being equal, tit milk is better, especially factoring in that it’s free. But Formula is fine. I was raised on basically the Folgers of formula (hi @MikeDamone ) in the late 70s and I turned out one strong ass galley slave. Maff was always hard so maybe with boob milk I’d be less pour.
 
My wife couldn't nurse. She fought it for a month because Facebook makes mothers who can't nurse feel like the scum of the earth, but eventually she caved and we switched to the world's most expensive formula because my son's stomach is an asshole.

My advice is to stage an elaborate ruse. Hire actors to play newscasters, make sure she's watching "the news" when your anchors announce a permanent global internet outage. Just make sure the router is unplugged when she tests it, and disable all but voice and text on her phone. It'll be worth it in the long run: you do NOT want CLS exposed to Social Media Competitive Momming.
Click to expand...

Your son has an asshole for a stomach? That must look odd.

 
My wife couldn't nurse. She fought it for a month because Facebook makes mothers who can't nurse feel like the scum of the earth, but eventually she caved and we switched to the world's most expensive formula because my son's stomach is an asshole.

My advice is to stage an elaborate ruse. Hire actors to play newscasters, make sure she's watching "the news" when your anchors announce a permanent global internet outage. Just make sure the router is unplugged when she tests it, and disable all but voice and text on her phone. It'll be worth it in the long run: you do NOT want CLS exposed to Social Media Competitive Momming.
Click to expand...

Fuck competitive mommying.

All things being equal, tit milk is better, especially factoring in that it’s free. But Formula is fine. I was raised on basically the Folgers of formula (hi @MikeDamone ) in the late 70s and I turned out one strong ass galley slave. Maff was always hard so maybe with boob milk I’d be less pour.
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Free Pub!
 
Also, the road side shitmaggedan prepares you, to a degree, for your first diaper blowout.
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Ah, the shit-goes-everywhere experience! Worse than a sick dog, and smellier too. Every kid does one or two in their first year.

Have your spray bottle of enzymatic shit disintegrator at the ready.

Ask at your pharmacy. They'll know what you're talking about.

Oh, yeah: Congrats, if I haven't already said so. And sorry about your ass.
 
Fun with Lactation, Ch. 1: New mom hears another baby crying close-by that sounds like her kid.
giphy.gif

 
My wife couldn't nurse. She fought it for a month because Facebook makes mothers who can't nurse feel like the scum of the earth, but eventually she caved and we switched to the world's most expensive formula because my son's stomach is an asshole.

My advice is to stage an elaborate ruse. Hire actors to play newscasters, make sure she's watching "the news" when your anchors announce a permanent global internet outage. Just make sure the router is unplugged when she tests it, and disable all but voice and text on her phone. It'll be worth it in the long run: you do NOT want CLS exposed to Social Media Competitive Momming.
Click to expand...

So true. I’m appalled with how some mothers treat other mothers...you aren’t a “good mom” if you don’t breastfeed for x amount of time, or go back to work too soon, etc. Fuck those women.
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The ladies are murder on one another, and they start young. Believe me.

You gotta be tuff to be a woman in our society. Your kind will play head games with you until you're all in your 90s and drinking your dinner through a straw.

Brutal gender.
 
My wife couldn't nurse. She fought it for a month because Facebook makes mothers who can't nurse feel like the scum of the earth, but eventually she caved and we switched to the world's most expensive formula because my son's stomach is an asshole.

My advice is to stage an elaborate ruse. Hire actors to play newscasters, make sure she's watching "the news" when your anchors announce a permanent global internet outage. Just make sure the router is unplugged when she tests it, and disable all but voice and text on her phone. It'll be worth it in the long run: you do NOT want CLS exposed to Social Media Competitive Momming.
Click to expand...

So true. I’m appalled with how some mothers treat other mothers...you aren’t a “good mom” if you don’t breastfeed for x amount of time, or go back to work too soon, etc. Fuck those women.
Click to expand...

The ladies are murder on one another, and they start young. Believe me.

You gotta be tuff to be a woman in our society. Your kind will play head games with you until you're all in your 90s and drinking your dinner through a straw.

Brutal gender.
Click to expand...

And California passed a law making it mandatory to have women on your company's Board of Directors? Shoot me.
 
My wife couldn't nurse. She fought it for a month because Facebook makes mothers who can't nurse feel like the scum of the earth, but eventually she caved and we switched to the world's most expensive formula because my son's stomach is an asshole.

My advice is to stage an elaborate ruse. Hire actors to play newscasters, make sure she's watching "the news" when your anchors announce a permanent global internet outage. Just make sure the router is unplugged when she tests it, and disable all but voice and text on her phone. It'll be worth it in the long run: you do NOT want CLS exposed to Social Media Competitive Momming.
Click to expand...

Fuck competitive mommying.

All things being equal, tit milk is better, especially factoring in that it’s free. But Formula is fine. I was raised on basically the Folgers of formula (hi @MikeDamone ) in the late 70s and I turned out one strong ass galley slave. Maff was always hard so maybe with boob milk I’d be less pour.
Click to expand...

Competitive mommy int is only a thing if you let it be a thing. Nobody has to partake in it. I could never be with a girl who made non stop posts about their mommying skills.

I also hate it when mom’s write a note, gushing about their one year old child. The one year old isn’t on Facebook.
 
No one cares about other people's kids.

You don't care about other people's kids. Why would you think others care about yours?
 
No one cares about other people's kids.

You don't care about other people's kids. Why would you think others care about yours?
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@GDS Pedophile cares a lot about other peoples kids. Way too much.
 
I haven't posted in this thread because this unholy creature will not sleep more than 90 minutes without wanting tits. At least I know she's mine. But FML anyway.
 
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Sorry so late to the friggin’ party. Pure gold as usual. Congratulations @Swaye all my best to you and CLS! Fatherhood is wonderful thing. Easy for me to say because I am in the rewards phase.
 
My wife couldn't nurse. She fought it for a month because Facebook makes mothers who can't nurse feel like the scum of the earth, but eventually she caved and we switched to the world's most expensive formula because my son's stomach is an asshole.

My advice is to stage an elaborate ruse. Hire actors to play newscasters, make sure she's watching "the news" when your anchors announce a permanent global internet outage. Just make sure the router is unplugged when she tests it, and disable all but voice and text on her phone. It'll be worth it in the long run: you do NOT want CLS exposed to Social Media Competitive Momming.
Click to expand...

How does Facebook make mother’s that can’t nurse feel like scum? It is possible to keep how you feed your baby private and not broadcast it to the world.[/b] Shocking, I know.
Click to expand...

Correct, but you're not understanding the situation. You can keep your momming as private as possible, but the REST of the world wants to throw THEIR momming in your face. Get it? So say you're a mom who can't breastfeed. Or you have no choice but to go to work. Or you can't afford the best daycare in town and therefore Junior isn't on the fast track to Harvard. But you still log into your Facebook moms support group for advice on, say, why your little alien-looking thing won't stop screaming at night, and all you read is post after post after post of, "I'm still breastfeeding my little Susie, and she's three! Breast is best, and here are ten pics of me doing it in public because it's such a precious and beautiful thing that should be celebrated even though squirrels can do it!"

Or, "I quit my corporate law gig, moved out of my house on the lake and into a rambler in the burbs, and now I can care for my little one full time. I'd give everything for my little one. Who wouldn't?"

Or, "I toured [daycare that your kids are in because you're a poor] today, and I just wasn't impressed. I had to give up my gym membership, cancel our TV subscription, and we'll go without a family vacation for the next four years, but little Junior is now enrolled at [organic, free-range, 1:1 staff-to-kid ratio daycare that costs more than your mortgage]!"

Or, "Four years old and have never laid eyes on a TV screen! The science is clear. It's a lot or work and time out of our adult lives and takes creativity, but it's totally possible to keep a kid entertained all day without a screen."

It's completely avoidable by simply avoiding those platforms (hence my suggested elaborate ruse), but people are addicted to those platforms, so there you go. I'd admonish people for being addicted to those platforms, but I have 1500 posts here, so it would ring hollow.

Your son has an asshole for a stomach? That must look odd.
Click to expand...

It certainly might explain six months of constant screaming...
 
My wife couldn't nurse. She fought it for a month because Facebook makes mothers who can't nurse feel like the scum of the earth, but eventually she caved and we switched to the world's most expensive formula because my son's stomach is an asshole.

My advice is to stage an elaborate ruse. Hire actors to play newscasters, make sure she's watching "the news" when your anchors announce a permanent global internet outage. Just make sure the router is unplugged when she tests it, and disable all but voice and text on her phone. It'll be worth it in the long run: you do NOT want CLS exposed to Social Media Competitive Momming.
Click to expand...

How does Facebook make mother’s that can’t nurse feel like scum? It is possible to keep how you feed your baby private and not broadcast it to the world.[/b] Shocking, I know.
Click to expand...

Correct, but you're not understanding the situation. You can keep your momming as private as possible, but the REST of the world wants to throw THEIR momming in your face. Get it? So say you're a mom who can't breastfeed. Or you have no choice but to go to work. Or you can't afford the best daycare in town and therefore Junior isn't on the fast track to Harvard. But you still log into your Facebook moms support group for advice on, say, why your little alien-looking thing won't stop screaming at night, and all you read is post after post after post of, "I'm still breastfeeding my little Susie, and she's three! Breast is best, and here are ten pics of me doing it in public because it's such a precious and beautiful thing that should be celebrated even though squirrels can do it!"

Or, "I quit my corporate law gig, moved out of my house on the lake and into a rambler in the burbs, and now I can care for my little one full time. I'd give everything for my little one. Who wouldn't?"

Or, "I toured [daycare that your kids are in because you're a poor] today, and I just wasn't impressed. I had to give up my gym membership, cancel our TV subscription, and we'll go without a family vacation for the next four years, but little Junior is now enrolled at [organic, free-range, 1:1 staff-to-kid ratio daycare that costs more than your mortgage]!"

Or, "Four years old and have never laid eyes on a TV screen! The science is clear. It's a lot or work and time out of our adult lives and takes creativity, but it's totally possible to keep a kid entertained all day without a screen."

It's completely avoidable by simply avoiding those platforms (hence my suggested elaborate ruse), but people are addicted to those platforms, so there you go. I'd admonish people for being addicted to those platforms, but I have 1500 posts here, so it would ring hollow.

Your son has an asshole for a stomach? That must look odd.
Click to expand...

It certainly might explain six months of constant screaming...
Click to expand...

This guy GETS it.
 
It's completely avoidable by simply avoiding those platforms (hence my suggested elaborate ruse), but people are addicted to those platforms, so there you go. I'd admonish people for being addicted to those platforms, but I have 1500 posts here, so it would ring hollow.
Click to expand...

I don't even think you can avoid it by staying off the platforms. Unless you disconnect from society entirely it will show up. Volunteering for stuff at preschool or elementary school, side comments depending on your situation ("I don't know how you can leave you son/daughter to go work overseas for two weeks! I could never!"), the competition extends beyond social media.

I've seen it first hand with many of my female coworkers who have school aged kids.
 
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Any parent that has a screen time prohibition is FS. We'd be divorced already if it wasn't for the miracle of TV babysitter.
 
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