Story tim with Swaye....

Well done by your offspring to get you a tax write off for 2019. That’s big in THIS economy.

Tees and Pees to your asshole.
 
Wow, not sure which one of you dropped more of a motherload this time.

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I was also watching the interview the Sunoco manager gave:

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Congratulations, and Ts & Ps to your wallet and asshole
Cheers--

 
I couldn't possibly be happier for you dude!

Raising a daughter will change your life in a million ways. Some of them even good!

In all seriousness, congratulations my guy, super super happy for you!
 
Did I say congrats @Swaye?

Your life will be changed for the better.

You have a duty and responsibility...teach her right.

She can be a replica of you, good man or bad man. It’s up to you. Be a good father and be there pod.

 
What has me laughing is that probably 81% of us were reading this while on the shitter. I know I was!

Congratulations on the end of what you want mattering! It's worth it, though.
 
Congrats and welcome to the next phase of your life, where you would die for someone who doesn’t even know who you are yet
 
Congrats buddy. She'll probably be telling people the story of her birth 20-30 years from now
 
I visited a wise shaman many moons ago at the Great Woof Lodge and he told me:

“Claps Like Seal will bear the fruit of Chief Powdernose’s seed on the day that the earth trembles with brown lava.”

I now understand the meaning of this great prophecy. He was very wise. He let me bum some smokes and take pulls from his bottle.
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YBFE
 
So, filing this under the weird things I have learned in the last 24 hours...

Did you know breastfeeding is not as straightforward as you would think? I always assumed it was pretty much pull out titty and stick little human on it. Done. Not so fast. It appears sometimes the little cherubs don't latch right, or the nipple is unique and requires special techniques or some shit. Whatever the case, I was greeted this morning by a "Breastfeeding Consultant" who showed up to help CLS attain perfect latch. I am not making this up. There is actually a job where the sole purpose is to achieve better tit sucking. If Orkin doesn't work out I am pretty sure I have found my follow on career.
 
So, filing this under the weird things I have learned in the last 24 hours...

Did you know breastfeeding is not as straightforward as you would think? I always assumed it was pretty much pull out titty and stick little human on it. Done. Not so fast. It appears sometimes the little cherubs don't latch right, or the nipple is unique and requires special techniques or some shit. Whatever the case, I was greeted this morning by a "Breastfeeding Consultant" who showed up to help CLS attain perfect latch. I am not making this up. There is actually a job where the sole purpose is to achieve better tit sucking. If Orkin doesn't work out I am pretty sure I have found my follow on career.
Click to expand...
Down here they call them "Lactation Consultants" which is hilarious in it's owen way.

They are a big deal. Mrs. DNC swears by hers.
 
So, filing this under the weird things I have learned in the last 24 hours...

Did you know breastfeeding is not as straightforward as you would think? I always assumed it was pretty much pull out titty and stick little human on it. Done. Not so fast. It appears sometimes the little cherubs don't latch right, or the nipple is unique and requires special techniques or some shit. Whatever the case, I was greeted this morning by a "Breastfeeding Consultant" who showed up to help CLS attain perfect latch. I am not making this up. There is actually a job where the sole purpose is to achieve better tit sucking. If Orkin doesn't work out I am pretty sure I have found my follow on career.
Click to expand...
Down here they call them "Lactation Consultants" which is hilarious in it's owen way.

They are a big deal. Mrs. DNC swears by hers.
Click to expand...
Sometimes I find it amazing that our species has survived for thousands of years
 
So, filing this under the weird things I have learned in the last 24 hours...

Did you know breastfeeding is not as straightforward as you would think? I always assumed it was pretty much pull out titty and stick little human on it. Done. Not so fast. It appears sometimes the little cherubs don't latch right, or the nipple is unique and requires special techniques or some shit. Whatever the case, I was greeted this morning by a "Breastfeeding Consultant" who showed up to help CLS attain perfect latch. I am not making this up. There is actually a job where the sole purpose is to achieve better tit sucking. If Orkin doesn't work out I am pretty sure I have found my follow on career.
Click to expand...
Down here they call them "Lactation Consultants" which is hilarious in it's owen way.

They are a big deal. Mrs. DNC swears by hers.
Click to expand...
Sometimes I find it amazing that our species has survived for thousands of years
Click to expand...

We used to survive at much lower rates.
 
For those wondering, my asshole has finally stopped belching hot fire. Pretty sure it will never be the same though. In an interesting corollary to my ass issues, little FRANNY torched off her first round and it can only be described as some weird tar like substance. I was pretty sure she was actually a demon spawn until the nurse told me that's normal for a little while. Damn. I was hoping I created a minion of otherwordly evil sent here to enslave the white race. Dreams die hard.
 
For those wondering, my asshole has finally stopped belching hot fire. Pretty sure it will never be the same though. In an interesting corollary to my ass issues, little FRANNY torched off her first round and it can only be described as some weird tar like substance. I was pretty sure she was actually a demon spawn until the nurse told me that's normal for a little while. Damn. I was hoping I created a minion of otherwordly evil sent here to enslave the white race[/b]. Dreams die hard.
Click to expand...

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For those wondering, my asshole has finally stopped belching hot fire. Pretty sure it will never be the same though. In an interesting corollary to my ass issues, little FRANNY torched off her first round and it can only be described as some weird tar like substance. I was pretty sure she was actually a demon spawn until the nurse told me that's normal for a little while. Damn. I was hoping I created a minion of otherwordly evil sent here to enslave the white race. Dreams die hard.
Click to expand...

This is just the beginning of all the weird substance that will exit your spawn over the next 24-36 months.

T’s and P’s to your time and all the things you used to do.
 
So, filing this under the weird things I have learned in the last 24 hours...

Did you know breastfeeding is not as straightforward as you would think? I always assumed it was pretty much pull out titty and stick little human on it. Done. Not so fast. It appears sometimes the little cherubs don't latch right, or the nipple is unique and requires special techniques or some shit. Whatever the case, I was greeted this morning by a "Breastfeeding Consultant" who showed up to help CLS attain perfect latch. I am not making this up. There is actually a job where the sole purpose is to achieve better tit sucking. If Orkin doesn't work out I am pretty sure I have found my follow on career.
Click to expand...
Down here they call them "Lactation Consultants" which is hilarious in it's owen way.

They are a big deal. Mrs. DNC swears by hers.
Click to expand...
Sometimes I find it amazing that our species has survived for thousands of years
Click to expand...

We used to survive at much lower rates.
Click to expand...

And were THANKFUL for it
 
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