Following the ironclad “five reasons” rule:
1. I’m 81% sure Wilcox didn’t shoot JFK.
2. This past Halloween, his close friend’s pet monkey didn’t attack any children as they handed out sugar free Covid vaccines. And to be clear, she is a professional dancer whose clothes just happen to fly off at random. Don’t twist.
3. He wants to be a Huskee and we all know after going owen-12 no big name coach will want to come to UW.
4. The lack of $$$ support at Berkeley, where they only fund rugby and arrogance, has blocked him from realizing a high powered offense via the hiring of Danny Barrett from the Texans.
5. Wilcox is the highest scoring Scrabble word of all of the top candidates, and that seems like something Jen would use to make a decision.