Hott Cat Talk

I had a feral cat farm in my back yard. Kind of a long story but things got out of hand rather quickly. Couldn't bring myself to capture them and take them to the humane society gas chamber. When the count got to 22 it was a breaking point. It was the end of winter and I knew by spring I would be over a hunnerd. Gas chamber became a more palpable option at that point, so I trapped the first one and took her in, figured ladies first was best.

Turns out they recently became a "no kill shelter". They told me they would spay the cat and turn her loose. They asked me if I wanted the cat released near me or another part of town. They could tell by the look on my face I was befuddled. So the lady at the counter explained that if they release the cat near me it would come back, so I said sure.gif. I was relieved that I didn't have to send all these cats to their death. A lesser man would have gotten teary eyed right there in the middle of the shelter but not this badassmotherfucker.

So I spent my winter weekends catching backyard female cats. Sure enough, they all came back with one ear clipped. The heard of 22 is now down to 3. It took a few years, the life of a feral cat is kind of like that of an NFL running back. The herd trashed my yard but I got it back now.
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When I was a kid we had a neighbor lady who fed Guinea fowl, all manner of wild birds, and feral cats. We had several hundred crows and ravens and at least 100 cats on the hill. The ravens were over fed and were the size of vultures. One could fly off with a 30 gallon garbage can. The whole troop would follow her down the road then back up, twice a day, as she made her feeding rounds. She'd even yell at us kids to get out of the way (road had a hoop and bike jumps etc so it's where we mostly hung out) so the cackling mass of Guinea hens, crows, ravens and cats could follow her on her way by.

So anyways, I had a pretty old school upbringing in a logging family. There was only one answer for a situation like this and it wasn't pretty. My 8th grade graduation present was a 20 gauge and it was crazy effective. In those days, where I lived, it was normal for kids to walk around unsupervised with dangerous firearms as though they were nerf guns. That's where I learned to apply my favorite quote from Lost Boys, about no two vampires going out the same way, to cats. My brother and I declared war after reaching a silent understanding with dad. No "pest control" when mom was home and hide all evidence. The cats didn't last six months.

Theres some hawt cat talk.
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We had a lot of vultures or buzzards at my house in the San Diego county burbs growing up. My parents were lame and didn't let me get my first air rifle until I was like 16. But I did get a wrist rocket when I was 13 and used to pummel the shit out of those bird scavengers. Raccoons too.
 
I have much respect for feral or semi feral outdoor cats. They are ceaseless killing machines.
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We feed birds too, so it's pretty much Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom right in the back yard.
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So, do you have one wife on feral cat duty, and another on bird duty, while one is cooking and another one is prepping her vulva for the inevitable evening Ute assault? I just want to understand your culture.
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He bones 13 year old chicks.

But it's cool because he's an "elder"
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I draw the line at 14.
 
I have much respect for feral or semi feral outdoor cats. They are ceaseless killing machines.
Click to expand...

We feed birds too, so it's pretty much Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom right in the back yard.
Click to expand...

So, do you have one wife on feral cat duty, and another on bird duty, while one is cooking and another one is prepping her vulva for the inevitable evening Ute assault? I just want to understand your culture.
Click to expand...

He bones 13 year old chicks.

But it's cool because he's an "elder"
Click to expand...

I draw the line at 14.
Click to expand...

Cats or inches?
 
There was an old lady neighbor of mine here in Lebam that used to feed all the animals on her property, raccoons, skunks, feral cats and gawd nose what else. At the time I had not put up good fencing so after feasting at her place they would come over to my place and dig up the yard, crawl under things, including the house (old house on post and beams). Have you ever see the damage raccoons and skunks can do to a yard? little bastards. I took out two raccoons in an apple tree - one flew out of there just like in the movies when someone gets blasted by a shot gun.

The skunks I had to trap, I learned quickly to only set the traps when it is rainy and windy and approach from the upwind side. The rain makes it less smelly, Here are a couple of the little buggers I caught on my game camera

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There was an old lady neighbor of mine here in Lebam that used to feed all the animals on her property, raccoons, skunks, feral cats and gawd nose what else. At the time I had not put up good fencing so after feasting at her place they would come over to my place and dig up the yard, crawl under things, including the house (old house on post and beams). Have you ever see the damage raccoons and skunks can do to a yard? little bastards. I took out two raccoons in an apple tree - one flew out of there just like in the movies when someone gets blasted by a shot gun.

The skunks I had to trap, I learned quickly to only set the traps when it is rainy and windy and approach from the upwind side. The rain makes it less smelly, Here are a couple of the little buggers I caught on my game camera

View attachment 19920
View attachment 19921
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I have the same problem. The raccoons dont come in the fenced yard as we have three big dogs. They know the dogs wont jump the fence (they could) so they hang out in and around the trees right by the yard and piss the dogs off to no end. They get on the cat porch and raid the food and rummage through the compost if the lid isn't on right. Not too much trouble over all though.

The skunks are worse. They get under the porches and spray, or just spray as they pass by and the dogs bark from within the fenced area. One of the dogs got a direct hit from one that was under their porch and boy did that stink. I guess the proper traps restrict their ability to raise their tail, preventing them from spraying. Something to look into.
 
There was an old lady neighbor of mine here in Lebam that used to feed all the animals on her property, raccoons, skunks, feral cats and gawd nose what else. At the time I had not put up good fencing so after feasting at her place they would come over to my place and dig up the yard, crawl under things, including the house (old house on post and beams). Have you ever see the damage raccoons and skunks can do to a yard? little bastards. I took out two raccoons in an apple tree - one flew out of there just like in the movies when someone gets blasted by a shot gun.

The skunks I had to trap, I learned quickly to only set the traps when it is rainy and windy and approach from the upwind side. The rain makes it less smelly, Here are a couple of the little buggers I caught on my game camera

View attachment 19920
View attachment 19921
Click to expand...

Can you “crab pot” the trapped skunks at a local pond or something after they are trapped?
 
I have much respect for feral or semi feral outdoor cats. They are ceaseless killing machines.
Click to expand...

We feed birds too, so it's pretty much Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom right in the back yard.
Click to expand...

So, do you have one wife on feral cat duty, and another on bird duty, while one is cooking and another one is prepping her vulva for the inevitable evening Ute assault? I just want to understand your culture.
Click to expand...

He bones 13 year old chicks.

But it's cool because he's an "elder"
Click to expand...

I draw the line at 14.
Click to expand...

That's two weeks worth of infants.

Kinda gross.

 
@YellowSnow a guy down the road a spell (Lebam talk for 5-6 miles) does that and I think that is really cruel, I unload as much ammo and as fast as possible with my 30 round clip on the Ruger 10-22 rifle.

Then suffer the smell. I did learn on a cold, cold clear day in December you can almost see the stink in the air as it never dissipates.

@chuck I call that a "stink by" when the skunk skirts your property and leaves a trail.
 
@Swaye this is fucking gold. My wife thinks I’m a ra-tard for laughing so hard about “football message board” hawt talk.

Dare I say classic...
 
Kitty won round 2. I didn’t account for the small gap under the dishwasher. She’s been down there for 3 hours now. I rescheduled for Wednesday night. Didn’t want to press her too much, because I really don’t want her fear shitting behind the dishwasher.
 
Shit like this happens when your alma mater gets voted best LBTQ school in the world.

The football sites starts talking all badass about fucking house cats. HOUSE CATS!!!

I’m ashamed and only mildly aroused. All y’all can piss up a rope. Fucking house cats.
 
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