GrundleStiltzkin
New Fish
@backthepack and I confirmed crashing at this point. Don't mind what we slip in the punch bowl. It's all for the best.
This is actually exactly how I picture you two. I'll let you guess who I think has the porn stache.
CSB Tim.
The first burning man I attended my best friend who is hispanic and looks like a younger skinnier benicio del torro(or at least he used to) dressed up as those two.
I make a pretty damn good Gonzo as well(or used to).
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My red car partially broke down along the way and we had to drive the thing under 55 the whole way out there with the windows down. Got pulled over twice while looking like this and were unsurprisingly, completely fucked with by LE. Luckily, we weren't bringing fish to the ocean.
Got to the Burn super late opening night, could not find our camp, and drove our car right up to the man(big no no ever since that guy tried to burn it down early).
So here we are, dressed like Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo walking around like glazed over idiots with a partially broken down car, parked at the feet of the man. For the better part of an hour no one bothered us because they assumed we were some kind of performance art or some other ridiculous show because of how on point our costumes were and we had just rolled with playing it out as these characters bc why not. Finally, the rangers approached us looking somewhat confused and a bit impressed to tell us unless we had a permit we would need to move the car. We dutifully comply and decide, fuck it, what do we need camp for anyways? we aren't going to bed so we park the car in some alley.
No shit, we end up finding the "bat country" bar and walk into a room of 30 other Dukes and Gonzos. All of them also in character. I can tell you that the only thing that made this not such a massive mind-fuck was the fact that 1)I was at burning man so who the fuck knows what's normal and 2) I was so intoxicated and in character at this point there were no fucks given to anything. The various Dukes and Gonzo's provide us with all the fish we can eat and all the booze we can drink. Then we decide that it is a good idea to walk out to the trash fence(the boundary of the festival which is almost a mile out into the nothing of the black rock desert) while all fucked up so that we can look at all the stars. We were somewhere around Blackrock, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold.
It takes us so long to get out there and we have nothing to eat or drink except our booze and these chocolates given to us at Bat Country. A real prisoners dilemma of I'm hungry and thirsty but should I really eat or drink any more of this? So by the time we make it out to this stupid orange fence in the middle of nowhere it's already starting to be sunrise. It then begins to dawn on us we will be a mile out in this space moon desert, already dehydrated, with no water, in rapidly rising heat, with only a vague recollection of where we parked the car to head to anyways. That's when the fear began to take hold. My friend starts freaking out and talking about how we are going to die in the desert. Like really panicking with hyperventilation and everything. I'm trying to keep my shit together and not lose it too while at the same time attempting to calm him down when we start to hear it, this thumping from waaaayyyy out in the emptiness. It totally takes our focus and we are just sitting there staring as a giant angler fish comes rolling out of the dust.
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"Hey! Do you guys need a ride?"
"Fuck Yeeeeessss God pleeeeeeasssee." We start to dance like idiots.
"Well you should have thought of that before you came all the way out here with no water you fucking idiots." as the car drives past us.
We are totally stunned and still as statues staring at the fish and then eachother. "Oh fuck, we really are fucked aren't we?" is all I can think.
The car stops about 50ft past us. "Well come on you wankers, we aren't going to let you die out here!"
We run to the car as fast as we can and climb up the stairs from the back of the fish. I hit the floor laughing like a hyena. Everyone wants to know, "What's so funny?"
"We've......*gasp*....just been saved......*gasp*....by a fish's asshole!"
This really could have been it's own thread.
I have much better stories from burn involving topics this forum appreciates a lot more that I will save for a thread of it's own. This just happened to be relevant to what came up and once I started I figured I might as well make it a decent story tim. Consider it a tribute and a eulogy for your funeral thread.
Someone has to carry the torch since my stories will now be about couch fabric selections and nursing bras.
Breast milk aint bad.
Breakfast of champions
It’s more the presentation than the meal, but strong agree.
