The Script v1.0 Our Worst Nightmare

ThomasFremont

ThomasFremont

New Fish
Pre-season: Year 5. Sark is a .500 coach. Doogs: 2013 will be special!!!

Game 1: beat BCS bustin' Boise St rather easily, open new stadium. Doogs: heaven.

Game 2: beat Illinois in a tight game on the road. Doogs: Illinois is really improved, and winning on the road is never easy.

Game 3: crush Idaho St. Doogs: did you see that John Ross TD?!?!?

Game 4: handle AZ, also rather easily, highest ranking in a decade. Doogs: rich, cool and 4-0...aka house money. Talk of upsetting Stanford AND Oregon runs rampant.

Game 5: lose @Stanford. Doogs: blame refs for overturned call, moral victory

Game 6: despite being the "better matchup than Stanfurd" and playing in "the best setting in all of CFB" get plungered by whOregon(lol) by 20+...again. Decade of dominance. Season over. Doogs: nobody expected to beat Oregon going into the year, we played them really close for 3 qtrs. Blame Keith Price.

Game 7: plungered by ASU, annual 3 game losing streak lives. Doogs: blame Keith Price, the heat, insist Sark needs more time to build depth. We wouldn't have lost 3 straight if we didn't have such a hard schedule. Don James never had such a hard schedule.

Don James dies.

Game 8: classy DJ tribute/mourning distracts from boring game against hapless Cal team. Sark leaves in starters up 3+ TDs. Doogs: great bounce back win, we really stomped Cal...even though Price played poorly. We can still win out and finish 3rd in the P12North!!!1!

Script kicks in...

Game 9: beat Colorado. NOGAF. Doogs: we are bowl eligible!

Game10: another road loss. UCLA knocks out Keith Price for rest of season. Doogs: UCLA has tons of talent, anyone could win there. Mora will meltdown.

Game 11: lose to Oregon St, another road loss. Doogs: Keith Price ruined our season! Sylar Miley is only a freshman starting his first game on the road, what did you expect???

Game 12: win Apple Cup. Doogs: Sylar Miley is our savior!!! Why didn't he start all year?

Bowl game: win shit tier bowl game. Doogs: 8 wins! Sark is improving. Sark needs 5 more years to keep building on this progress. What does that asshole Race Bannon have to say now?

Offseason: Sark is signed to a 5 year extension. Woodward loves the incremental progress. Crisp presser all around. Doogs: imagine what Miley can do with an entire season under his belt? 2014 will be special!!1!

Just kill me now.

 
It's so sad and yet so predictable how accurate the script always is.

That's how I see the season playing out too minus Price being knocked out for the season. He's pretty durable.
 
Also: the more Sark fails, the more lowlifes like Bleenor will trash James' accomplishments to prop up their .500 cult leader. Savages.
 
And you can continue it into next year. Win our joke OOC games, go 5-4 in the pac and doogs go apeshit over 9 wins and more improvement!!!11!! Context does not matter when you have an agenda.
 
And you can continue it into next year. Win our joke OOC games, go 5-4 in the pac and doogs go apeshit over 9 wins and more improvement!!!11!! Context does not matter when you have an agenda.
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The only way Sark ever wins 12 games in a season is if schedules are extended to 23 (or more) games.

And the shits talking about "incremental progress" like it's something to be doubted just don't get it about what Sark has accomplished. 0-12 = 0.0000 winning %. 7-6 is like more than 500 times better at 0.5385%.

I am so excited about Saturday's game against a PAC 12 opponent in the new stadium. It is what I like most about WA football in November: its when we earn house money!

Fuck, even being Sarkastic is depressing. I'm going back to the masturbating thread.
 
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I've been informed that WSU wins the Apple Cup according to the script.

HTH
 
It's so sad and yet so predictable how accurate the script always is.

That's how I see the season playing out too minus Price being knocked out for the season. He's pretty durable Sark's patsy. Regardless of how banged up or hurt he is, Sark will keep him in so he has an excuse to why the offense looked like shit.
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I've been informed that WSU wins the Apple Cup according to the script.

HTH
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This is the director's cut.

HTH
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What I am hearing

Thank you. It's stunning that something so obvious could have been overlooked. @TFremontUW has been on a strong Doog streak.
 
UW wins the apple cup this year to maintain another 7 win season so Sark is here another year.

A WSU loss and he'd lose his job at 6-6 especially after the 4-0 start.
 
I've been informed that WSU wins the Apple Cup according to the script.

HTH
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I thought this year's script had UW beating the cougs. Who will then, of course, be much improved per the doogs...making it a huge victory. THEN losing to UNLV in the Gilden New Mexico Bowl Classic, which will be blamed on Price after the Defense gives up 600 yds passing and the O Line commits 32 false start penalties.

This of course will lead to that "Special" season in 2014 because that "loser" Price is finally gone.

I may have read it wrong though....I'll check it again..

 
UW wins the apple cup this year to maintain another 7 win season so Sark is here another year.

A WSU loss and he'd lose his job at 6-6 especially after the 4-0 start.
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Originally I believed this as well ... But the latest comment about 'more incremental progress' from Woodtard has made me realized it won't happen... Because the progress meter is in Woody's head ... So it's of a subjective nature only doogs can interpret ... Kind of like those religious nut jobs that speak in tongues and dance around with rattle snakes ...

Fuck me
 
Brilliant original post and very funny!

Derek Johnson has taken a step by giving us a forum of like-minded fans that actually want to COMPETE and WIN. What else can we do besides flying banners around the AC if we go 1-2 over the next 3 games as expected?

Homebrew, love the nickname "Woodtarded"...Snot Woodtarded has a nice ring to it.
 
Woodward already has a well earned nickname in Pool Boy.

Let's not ruin a good thing.
 
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